Up and down. Up and down. That is where my emotions have been this past week. I've been going hard with work and fundraising and just life in general. Lack of sleep, stress, and a general feeling like I am chasing my own tail has left me, well, in a tail spin. When I finally got the chance to slow down, all my emotions hit me in the head and heart at a force I'd liken to a brick being dropped off a building. All I was doing and all that I had yet to do didn't feel like enough. Failure. Disappointment. Passion. All of it crashed over my head like a wave. Drowning. I need to slow down. Take some time for me. Work and fundraising are hand-in-hand endeavours. I can't control the outcome 100% and I need to learn that it's okay. I am doing my best. And even when my best doesn't get me the desired outcome, that's okay too. There is something to be learned from it. What is not always clear right away, but it will be.
I'm still struggling with the feeling of not being good enough. I've got my sights set high and as good as it is to dream big, I think I may have to scale back a bit for now. I can't control other people's thoughts and feelings, hell, I can barely control my own! I just wish it was easier for humans to actually say how they feel or ask people what they want to know. But then again, these are things that I'm not always clear on myself. I change my mind often. I get fed up, frustrated, and pig-headed. I also get clarity, drive, and focus. Sometimes all at once. It's an on-going cycle. I'm rambling. This is one of those times where I spew the junk that's in my head. It makes no sense most of the time. And seeing it in print doesn't always help. But it's good to get it out.
I kind of struggle with emotions at this time of year. I don't know why. It just happens.
Just gotta roll with it!