Well, once again I struggle. My heart feels like it's breaking again. Why?
Just have these overwhelming feelings of inadequacy. I'm really having a hard time feeling good enough. Or even just enough. For the most part, I can tread above the current that pulls me down, but it's the times like right now when I wonder if I'll ever feel okay again.
Being in the midst of grieving doesn't help either. I miss Nonno. So much. He was always a constant in my life and now that he's gone I just feel so lost.
Lost in every single aspect of my life.
I get asked when I'm going to settle down and get married and have kids. Honestly, I don't think that's in the cards for me. I can't explain it. It's just a gut feeling that I have.
I'm just disoriented, lost, and so very sad. I just want to feel okay. Is that too much to ask??
Ramblings, rants, and general junk spewed from my head.
Oh. I feel the same way. All. The. Time. I miss you nana. And my opa. And my Oma. And wish they were here to give me all the courage I need to love with the smallest things.
ReplyDeleteI am now left with my dad's dad (my papa) who could give a shit about me or what is going on in my life. I won't get into details, because, I have to accept the fact that I don't impact his life in the slightest, so I can't waste mine.
Teresa, I thinknots wonderful that you pour yourself out. More of us need to do the same.
And you should feel wonderful about the person you are. You are the first (not joking), first person I met in post secondary and have made a lasting impression on me. Seriously. There is no one I would rather be stuck in English 101 with going over aboriginal history with :)
Just remember, your future is what you make of it. You
May not get married, and you probably wont have kids because hey, we are selfish writers that pump ourselves up every, single, day. But there is someone just strange enough out there who will love to follow you no matter what is thrown in your way.
I say write. It's times like these that make for pieces that all of your writer friends secretly hate you, just a bit.
Give Landon a hug and have a glass of wine. I love you Teresa and toast you for all of your courage for being heartbroken, vulnerable and inspiring. :)
Yeah. Had issues with editing on an iPhone. Ignore, ignore my mistakes and or sentences that don't make sense... :B
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