I don’t even know what to say here. I am so uninspired to write. I just don’t feel like being creative. There’s been so much going on that I am tired. Physically and emotionally tired; I just don’t want to do anything but sleep. I need a holiday. Time to clear my head and cleanse my spirit. I am at a stagnant place in time. Everything is swirling around me and I feel like I have no control over my world. I try to control what I can, but nothing really is in our power. Is it? I guess some things are, but sometimes it’s hard to tell what we can or should be trying to control. Like a hamster in a ball, I just keep going around and around and around but I don’t feel like I am getting anywhere. Perhaps this feeling is what I need to ponder for a bit. Something to help get the creative juices flowing again. I’m just so tired. I am trying to keep everything in my life as balanced as possible, but I feel like there is a piece of the puzzle missing somewhere. I keep trying to make things fit, but it just won’t happen until I find that elusive piece. The question is where do I even start to look?
I don’t know. I just don’t know. There is always so much going on in my mind. I am forever analysing things all the time. Things I say or do and things that others say or do. Or even things that are left unsaid or undone. What is the right thing? Maybe it’s not always what we think it or hope it to be. I often think of what I meant to be doing. I know what I want to be doing, but those aren't necessarily the same things. I think I am a bit neurotic in that case. Sylvia Plath put it best when she said “If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.” This totally sums me up to a tee. I am always wanting to different things at the same time. Perhaps I will never be fully satisfied. But maybe that is a good thing. It will always keep me striving for more and pushing myself to the limit. I’ll never forget or give up on my dreams. Without them, I would be nothing. I think if you give up on your dreams or stops being passionate about something, then you are essentially giving up on living life. You won’t be living. You’ll just…exist. And that is no way to be. At least that is no way I see myself being. Ugh. This is so hard. I really want to get stuff down, but this is all coming out in a jumble. Things aren’t making much sense right now. At least I don’t seem to be. Not to myself anyways. I just need to clear my head. Maybe something will come to me after a nap.