I am really trying to push through this last assignment. I've been working on it all day and will most likely be working on it for most of this evening and night and into tomorrow. It's the reason I took the weekend off. I have to get it done. Need to be finished by Wednesday. I'm up to eight chapters and am starting the ninth. This blog is my break from work and a place where I am hoping to collect my thoughts. This thing has me completely stressed out and worn out. Literally sick from the stress of it. I cannot wait to be done and to have some time to breathe.
I feel like I have been a bad friend lately to most people as I haven't been able to make plans with them, or have had to cancel because I don't feel well. That doesn't sit well with me. I don't like being that person even though it happens to me this time of year, especially while I've been in school. Actually, mainly while I have been in school. While I love the challenge and stimulation of learning, I will be so happy and relieved to finally be finished. Then I can finally rekindle my soul and my relationships. I may even be able to have them! Go figure. People who aren't in school don't tend to understand. Those that are or have been there get it. The time commitment, sweat, tears, insomnia, sickness, aggravation, vindication, pleasure, elation, anger, sadness. These encompass the life of a student. Sometimes all in one day. This encompasses me as a writer. I feel all of this all the time. A heightened sense of putting myself on a ledge, waiting. Waiting to be inspired. Waiting to be satisfied. Waiting to be finished. Waiting to be published. Waiting for acceptance. It's all a big waiting game.
I sit here waiting to be re-inspired. I was inspired earlier today. There's a quote that I read somewhere that says something like "you can't wait for inspiration to hit you. You have to go after it with a club." Well, that's what I've been trying to do today. Whether what I am putting on the paper is any good, I don't know. But it's there and can be re-worked to be better. Now I am doing my best not to quit, but to keep pushing through and get it done. An active break if you will. But alas, I think my break time is coming to an end.