05 March 2011
Rest in Peace Papa
Papa passed away last night. I'm so sad right now and I almost feel all cried out but the tears keep coming. My eyes feel like sandpaper and I have a headache. I'm so tired. And even though this has been expected, it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm glad he's not suffering anymore and I'm so glad that he was not alone when he went. My aunt was with him and she said that he went peacefully, so that is adds some comfort but it still breaks my heart. I got to visit with him a few weeks ago (he lives in another province) and I am so grateful for that time. I just wish I could have got to visit him more over the years. Being so far away, there's always those feelings of "I could have been there more," or "I should have done more." I am glad I have had the relationship with Papa that I did. Some of my cousins didn't really have that. When he'd call or when my dad would call him, I would always get to talk to him and the conversations were always happy and funny. I'm so thankful for that.
My dad says that he's doing okay, but I don't believe him. He's trying to be strong but he needs to grieve too. He's trying to keep busy but I think he needs to take the time to process this and feel it. It'll make it much easier to deal with. He tries to keep it inside but that's not good for him. I would know because I can be the same way.
So the above video is dedicated to Papa...I love you and you will always be in my heart. <3